| 5 Tips for Surviving a Date Without Chemistry Jun 20th 2012, 16:00 You're on a date and you're excited...until you realize that there's absolutely no chemistry! The date is dragging on and the fireworks just aren't happening. Here's what you can do. - Step out of your comfort zone together. Doing something new and exciting, perhaps even a bit scary, might give your date some much-needed CPR. Be spontaneous and bold! Forget the typical dinner and a movie. You don't have to go skydiving, but what about trying yoga? In facing a new experience together you might discover your chemistry, but if not, at least you'll have done something interesting, and you'll have a great story to tell later.
- Relax, and help your date relax. In movies, fireworks fly no matter what, but in real life, people are more likely to have fun together when they're relaxed. Maybe the chemistry isn't happening because you and/or your date are extremely nervous or shy. If you feel like you're holding back, try a dose of honesty and say "I'm really nervous." Who knows? Your date might say "me too" and next thing you know, you're having an authentic conversation, and that's fertile ground for chemistry.
- Remember that chemistry isn't everything. Hollywood will have you believe that if it isn't love at first sight, it's not love at all, ever...and that's simply not true. Chemistry is often mistaken for lust, too. Just because you're not dying to rip your date's clothes off doesn't mean you don't have chemistry. Keep an open mind.
- If you know there's no chemistry, but you can have a decent conversation, pretend you are simply out with a friend and keep things light. Under no circumstances should you flirt with the guy. That's cruel and likely to turn out poorly.
- If you get a creeped out for any reason, or for no reason at all, get the hell out of there immediately. No excuse needed. Go to the ladies room, call a friend or a cab and disappear. A creepy feeling can save your life.
- Don't lead your date on. If you know, deep down inside, that you're just not attracted to this person and probably never will be, do both of yourselves a favor and move on. Sometimes there is no identifiable reason for the lack of chemistry. Perhaps subconsciously your date's pheromones do nothing for you or you're picking up on body language signals without consciously processing them. Don't try to make the date something it's not.
- Stay sober around strangers. Limit your alcohol intake. Keep a close eye on your drinking. Having too much to drink can impair your judgment and perhaps make someone who you aren't attracted to in the first place seem adorable after several drinks. The idea is to remain true to your feelings and avoid hurting the other person's feelings in the long run. Getting drunk may lead to conflicting behavior and in the light of day can cause major embarrassment and awkwardness. It can also lead the other person to think you care when you clearly don't, potentially setting you up for a difficult disentanglement.
- Say no to future dates if there is no attraction. If the other person continues to pursue you for future dates and you're not attracted to him or her, explain that you had a nice time during your date but no thank you. You don't have to get into why or specifics, just be polite.
- If the two of you have struck up a friendship, ensure that it begins with absolute clarity that it's a platonic relationship with no romantic strings attached. It doesn't do to give the other person false hopes that this might be a backdoor way of getting to your heart eventually.
- Commit to having a good time. If you're going to make the effort to go on the date, at least reconcile internally to make it a positive experience. Too often people enter a date with a bad attitude if they know they aren't attracted to the other person. Instead, turn what might be a potentially negative experience into something positive by choosing to make the most of it.
- If you didn't have chemistry with your date, but know of a friend who would really enjoy his or her company, consider playing matchmaker. This will be fairly obvious to you, especially if you find yourself saying all night "Oh you'd love Xenia, she is always saying/doing/thinking that...."
- Don't worry about "chemistry". Approach your date without worrying about it, or setting expectations too high. Great things can happen if you aren't worried about "chemistry".
Edit Warnings - Don't beat yourself up about not clicking––it's perfectly natural and that is why dating involves meeting different people rather than assuming the first person you date will necessarily be "the one."
- Avoid going on a second date out of pity. It will end badly; nobody likes being dated out of pity and it won't take long to work this out.
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