| How to Fire a Friend Sep 12th 2012, 20:00 Friendship is a bond that should be unbreakable but when you're in the difficult position of having to fire a friend, your friendship will definitely get tested. Along with your own disappointment that your friend hasn't done what he or she was hired to do or perhaps pity and sadness if your friend is simply a victim of operational cuts, is the fact that you're responsible for terminating your friend's employment as a boss, not as a friend. Whatever the reason, this can be a very painful experience for both parties, and if mishandled, it can be destructive to your friendship. While it's not easy separating the two different relationships you have with this person and then following formal business practices for terminating employees, it's necessary to achieve a fair outcome and one that will hopefully keep your friendship intact. - Isolate your role as employer from your role as friend. Be the boss, not the friend, when you tell your friend that his or her job is terminated. This is important both for your own state of mind and for the way your friend perceives the action.
- Be clear on why your friend has to be fired. Having clarity in words and statements before approaching your friend is essential to avoid getting tongue-tied or talked into a friendly corner as your friend tries to defend him– or herself. Moreover, having a clear understanding this reason may at least make you feel better about the difficult task ahead.
- Did the senior partner tell you to fire your friend? Did he or she give good reasons? If not, return and ask for clarity.
- Did you catch your friend doing something unethical or harmful for your workplace or business?
- Is your friend simply totally unsuited to the role you hired him or her for? In this case, keeping the charade going any longer is unkind to your friend as well as unhelpful for your work or business.
- Consider the worst case scenario in terms of how your friend will react to you firing him or her personally. In other words, you need to consider whether doing this deed yourself is worth it if, in the worst case scenario, your friend comes to absolutely hate you from this point forward.
- If unethical activity is involved or your friend has undermined other staff members through playing favoritism without delivering on promises, this is probably a yes.
- If after evaluating the reason to fire your friend you consider that it is not worth it, reconsider the decision to fire, or talk to your supervisor and ask him or her to do it him– or herself.
- Tell your friend up-front. Be direct about the decision to let him or her go. Beating around the bush or using humor will likely not soften the blow and can actually give a false impression that things can be turned around so that he or she might be able to stay. Creating this sort of uncertainty is unkind and ultimately can damage your friendship even more.
- Explain the reason for termination. Tell your friend whether it was your decision, or you were just given the dirty job but in either case, acknowledge that it's your responsibility as a boss rather than passing off the deed.
- Never sugarcoat the reason. It is much kinder to talk to your friend privately about the shortcomings of his or her work performance so that he or she is aware of what went wrong, which will help your friend to avoid making the same mistake again.
- If you are a business owner and you feel that it was wrong to have hired your friend in the first place, be honest and admit this. However, don't go into petty details. Stay very general and simply explain that his or her skill set is clearly matched to something quite different from what you'd hoped to gain from his or her input and that you're sure he or she will be happier using those skills more fully elsewhere.
- Explain that you value your friendship. However, make it clear that the friendship is a separate issue and that you, or the company, are paying for job performance, which clearly hasn't been met. Soften this reality by explaining that as far as you're concerned, your work situation will not interfere with your social relationship and reassure him or her that your extra-curricular friendship will remain on the same footing as always. Help him or her to see that you value a good friendship and that while jobs may come and go, you don't see friendships in the same light.
- Don't force yourself on your friend. The continuance of the friendship is dependent on his or her acquiescence too––do be sure to say that you want to maintain the friendship provided that he or she is comfortable with that too.
- Support your friend through the termination process. Explain severance pay, help him or her move his or her stuff, keep the security guard from bugging him or her, and do all the other small kindnesses you would want your boss to do for you in such a circumstance. In addition, offer to do what you can to help your friend to find work elsewhere. You could also offer an excellent reference and be available to help him or her work through cover letters and CV revamps.
- Write a thank you note. Give your friend written acknowledgement of how much you appreciated his or her input at the workplace or business in the time that he or she spent there. Don't type it––do this note in your own handwriting to ensure a personal connection and to make it much more humane.
- Continue the routine of your friendship as much as possible. After your friend leaves the place of work, go ahead and invite him or her out every week for your Saturday shop or to watch football, or whatever you used to always do together. Your friend may not be interested for a while, but if you show you still very much want to be friends, you may save your friendship. Give it time and be persistent (but don't stalk him or her).
If improved performance is an option - If it's possible to give your friend another chance, here are some suggestions on how to go about it. Naturally, you should also be sure to conform to relevant labor laws and human resources guidelines relevant to your workplace procedures and timelines––those suggested here are a general guide only.
- Give your employee friend a chance to improve her or his performance by coaching or training her or him on how to overcome whatever is preventing the employee from meeting her or his goals. Ask for an explanation of why goals are not being met.
- Tell your employee friend that her or his employment is in jeopardy if he or she shows no improvement in job performance after one month, and if there are no administrative obstacles preventing her or him from meeting the assigned goals.
- Document your discussion and keep this report with your employee records. You may need to deal with objections by referring to the documentation of your previous conversations, so keep good records.
- Schedule weekly or bi-weekly reviews to discuss job performance and what it will take to meet the goals. Continue coaching, training and removing administrative obstacles to give your employee friend every opportunity to improve.
- Since this person is your friend, he or she will probably try to talk to you about this process outside of work. You'll need to make up your own mind as to how much you'll entertain such talk privately but it's recommended that you don't because it's off-the-record and can build up false expectations. Be kind but firm and say that you're happy to do what you can to help his or her work performance in the workplace but outside of work, the two of you are friends, not colleagues and you don't feel that it's right to keep talking it over out of the context of the workplace.
- You may find that your friend behaves warily around you. Be reassuring about your friendship but don't be pushy––simply let your friend know that your door is open without being bossy.
- Follow up again in two weeks. If there is still no improvement in job performance, give the employee friend a second warning and explain that if there is no improvement in the next two weeks, the employee will be terminated.
- Explain that you're following through on the warnings that have been provided in the past, if there is no improvement by the next meeting. Then terminate the employee's employment with your company as outlined above.
- Consult your company's human resources department and attorney for advice before beginning the process of terminating your employee. The process is different in different jurisdictions both within a country and in different countries.
- Invent new things to do as friends. If your friendship revolved around the workplace, figure out something else you can do together.
- In future, you'll find it's easier if you keep your relationship at work focused strictly on your role as work associates and avoid any discussion of work issues in social settings. By maintaining this distance, it will seem more objective and less personal if you have to make difficult decisions as a friend's boss.
- Avoid discussing personal matters during performance-related discussions. Tell the employee that you must both set aside your personal friendship at work to serve the higher priority of making the business successful—the job you are both being paid to do.
Edit Warnings - Make sure that everything you do is in compliance with employment laws to avoid being guilty of violating a law and being sued for it.
- If you feel that there is too much conflict of interest involved in you firing a friend, talk to your supervisor or human resources department for more advice.
- Make sure that the employee's goals are achievable. If they are unachievable, rather than terminating the employee, establish realistic performance goals or hire another employee if the work load is too much for your current staff to handle within scheduled work hours.
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