| How to Be Humble Dec 31st 2012, 08:00 "It's hard to be humble," says an old country song, "when you're perfect in all respects." Of course, few people actually think they're perfect in all respects. But it can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality. Yet, even in such a culture, humility remains an important virtue. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most spiritual traditions, and humility can help you develop more fully and enjoy richer relationships with others. Evaluate Yourself -
Understand your limitations. - Even if you are the best in the world at doing one thing, there are always other things that you cannot do, and may never be able to do.
- Recognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it does not mean giving up on learning new things or improving your existing abilities.
Recognize your own faults. - We make judgments about others all the time, usually without even realizing it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead. Consider how you can improve yourself.
- Count your blessings. Much of what we give ourselves credit for is actually a product of luck. Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents, grew up in a different place, or just had the bad luck to make one wrong choice in life. You could be in their position instead. Always remember that with a little bad luck yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your luck changes.
Appreciate the Talents of Other People Appreciate the talents and qualities of others. - Stop comparing. It's nearly impossible to be humble when we're striving to be the "best" or trying to be better than others. Instead, try describing things more objectively. Rather than saying that so and so is the best guitarist ever, say what exactly it is that you appreciate about his skills, or simply say that you like his playing style. Let go of meaningless, simplistic comparisons, and you'll be able to enjoy doing things without worrying about whether you're better or worse at them than others.
Acknowledge Your Limitations - Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. Any one person can know only the smallest bits and pieces of the tremendous knowledge that has accumulated over the past. What's more, each person experiences only a sliver of the present, and knows little to nothing of the future.
- Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment. It's easy to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people—even people who disagree with you—may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level. Instead of simply saying that you know that you're fallible, you take action based on that fact. Of course, if you know that a particular course of action is wrong, you shouldn't follow it. On closer inspection, though, you may realize that you don't actually know this as often as you think you do.
Rediscover a Sense of Wonder Rejuvenate your sense of wonder.
Continue Learning New Things - Seek guidance. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself. If you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.
- Remain teachable. Find people you aspire to be like in certain areas, and ask them to mentor you. Under mentorship; good boundary setting, confidentiality and discernment is required. As soon as you cross the line of being 'unteachable', bring yourself back down to earth again.
Help Others - Help others. A big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility.
- Practice gentleness. Gentleness of spirit is the sure path to humility. Use 'Aikido' where possible when faced with conflict. ie. Absorb the venom from other's attacks and react with gentleness and respect.
- Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride, the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have, and be thankful for them.
- Keep in mind that being humble has many benefits. Humility can help you be more content with your life, and it can also help you endure bad times and improve your relationships with others. It's also essential to being an effective learner. If you think you know it all, you won't be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Humility is also, somewhat counter-intuitively, an excellent tool for self-development in general. After all, if you feel superior, you have no incentive to improve. Most of all, being humble allows you to be honest with yourself.
- Seek trusted and wise counsel and obtain accountability partners if you find this to be a weakness in your life. Pride comes before the fall and prevention is definitely better than cure.
- It is fine to talk about yourself a little, but make a conscious effort to ask people about themselves too.
- Associate with and help out people especially the poor, weak etc
Edit Warnings - Pretending to be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.
- Similarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.
- While a bit of humility is a good thing, don't take it too far, thus becoming a doormat. Remember, everything in moderation.
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