When I think of all of the stupid things I’ve done in my life (and that’s a huge list) one thing stands out, one singular event two decades ago, which has developed into a lifelong behavior pattern, is the number one source of nostalgic regret. I became a dirty, filthy, smelly, tobacco-smoking fiend. Even when I’m not smoking, even when I’ve quit for a while (which I have done again this month), I am one trip to the local gas-station tobacconist away from being a full-fledged smoker again. It doesn’t take much: a twinge of depression, apathy, nihilism, youthful bravado, hanging out with certain friends, boredom, stress, etc. It’s so easy to be a smoker again. The tobacco plant reaches out its welcoming leaves and enfolds me in its warm embrace. You readers who have never been smokers will probably never understand. “Why don’t you just quit?” you might ask, with a holier-than-thou tone. “It’s so bad for you; what are you an idiot?”
Perhaps.
Tobacco is an agricultural product harvested from the leaves of the Nicotiana tabacum plant. It is used, most famously, as a drug via smoking, chewing, dipping, and snorting. However, the plant contains chemicals which are poisonous to most insects, so aside from being abused by idiots like me, it is also used as chemical pesticide. The tobacco plant is native to the Americas, though the modern cultivars have been heavily modified from the original wild species, of which three are thought to be the genetic basis of modern tobacco hybrid. There is archaeological evidence that shows that tobacco has been cultivated by Native Americans for at least three to four thousand years. It was used as a trade item or as part of making an agreement. It was thought that tobacco was a gift from the creator and it was (or is, rather) an integral part of their prayer ceremonies. Tobacco is also extremely addictive, which might explain its quick spread across the Atlantic Ocean after Europeans stumbled upon the American continent.
In more recent history, tobacco has been found to be the single most preventable cause of premature death worldwide. Using tobacco products leads to elevated risks of heart disease and cancer. A fact that tobacco companies were well aware of when they started modifying their cigarettes to make them more addictive—all the while promoting their product as a healthy alternative which aided bronchial health and digestion. As the smoking rates in the western world have plummeted, they’ve accelerated in places like China and India, where most of the world lives. The United States has cut its smoking rates in half since the 1960s, but those tobacco companies are still around. I guess they had to move their products overseas and develop new clientele?
I know all of this, and yet it isn’t enough to keep me away from tobacco products. It always takes something more. In 2009, I quit after the inauguration of a certain president who has famously had his own struggles with tobacco addiction. That went really well for around two to three years. I’m a democrat, things were looking up. We had just bought our acreage, I had this crazy writing job that was paying well. Why then did it happen, after two solid years of sobriety? My downward spiral back into tobacco started with little dabbles here and there: smoking a cigar at a party, rolling a cigarette from a friend’s pouch just to see if I could still do it. And then suddenly I was buying my own tobacco and smoking it in secret. Job and financial insecurity, coupled with a bout of middle-aged malaise drove me over the edge. It didn’t take long for me to be right back into the swing of things: smoking all the time, not hiding it anymore, sparing no expense.
That was last summer. I’ve kept it up pretty much since then, though I’ve noticed a few things: My blood pressure has gone way up since I started again. I’ve experienced chest pains, which I can’t really define, but are not good. My teeth are yellowing. Smoking seems to lead to other impulsive behaviors like binge eating. When I get sick, I seem to be sick longer, and my lungs take longer to recover. When I’m swimming (my only real source of exercise) I have noticed that my lung capacity has diminished. I am anxious when I am smoking, I am anxious when I’m not smoking. In the end it isn’t helping. I am not enjoying it anymore; I don’t enjoy anything anymore.
An old friend once told me that choosing to quit smoking, requires that he wakes up every day and ask, “Do I want to die today?” It may seem harsh or melodramatic, but I think it is an honest appraisal of the situation. Because, with all of the information available to us, in this day and age, about the dangers of tobacco usage, choosing to use tobacco requires either denial or apathy. Denial in the sense of thinking that it’ll never happen to me, “there was a guy on the news who smoked till he was 103, I still have time!” Apathy meaning that I just don’t care anymore, I am going to die anyway; this is my chosen method of suicide. I’ve been down both roads.
I don’t think I can really offer any fool-proof advice to help a person quit smoking, because I’ve been such a complete and utter failure at it. Our website has some good articles on getting rid of smoking addictions, I think every person will have to find their own path. My latest foray into being tobacco free started with New Years, as so many broken dreams so often do. I was going to try something different, this time, with prescription drugs. I had done some research, and of course I was concerned about the psychological side-effects of some of the drugs (Chantix). Also, my blood-pressure issues probably weren’t going to be a good mix with another drug (Wellbutrin), but I made an appointment with a doctor anyway……which was almost immediately forced into postponement by the insanely stressful episode documented in my previous post on baby goats!
As luck would have it, last week I contracted influenza (yes, I had the flu shot). Nothing makes a guy want to quit smoking more than a potentially deadly viral respiratory infection. It’s easy to throw away all of my tobacco, stay away from triggers like coffee and beer, and use nicotine gum to keep the nic fits to a minimum, when I’m hacking up chunky multicolored mucus. But will I be able to maintain a life without tobacco, once I feel normal again?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The post Tobacco, light of my life, fire of my lungs. appeared first on How to Get Rid of Things™.
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