| How to Call or Text a Girl Aug 24th 2012, 14:00 Some things never change, no matter how old you get. Whether you're in eighth grade and want to ask out that cute girl from math class or you're a recently-divorced thirty-something who just met a beautiful woman at the grocery store, the first call to a new girl can be a bit intimidating. Relax - just read these tips and pick up the phone. Call or Text? - Decide whether to call or send a text message. In the past, text messaging a girl for a date would have been unthinkable. Now, however, it's becoming surprisingly common. That doesn't mean you should do it, though. Take these thing into consideration:
- Text messaging is a good shotgun approach to dating. If you don't really care whether you offend the girl or whether you hear from her, it may be a good choice. For example, if you wrote down four other girls' numbers that night at the bar, you could just text message them all. If one texts you back or calls you, you'll know that she's interested (unless, of course, she texts something like, "ur a wimp. learn how to use the phone").
- The older, or more old-fashioned, the girl, the less likely she'll be receptive to receiving a text message.
- Calling her shows that you're confident or at least interested enough in her to face the possibility of rejection. If it's simply a matter of confidence, work on this. It won't get any easier unless you actually start calling girls.
- If the girl seems very casual and receptive to texting - for example, if she sent or received a text while you were talking to her - a text message may be appropriate to ask what she's doing or if she's in the neighborhood so you can hang out. Of course, if she was texting the whole time you were talking to her, you probably also have good reason to fear rejection, so a text may be the way to go.
Get Her Phone Number - Ask her for her phone number. It doesn't matter whether you want to call or text her, you'll need to get her phone number. Ask her for it yourself. It can seem pretty creepy if you get her phone number from one of her friends or by doing an internet search. If she gives you her phone number, you know that she's at least a little interested, text her after getting and let her know its you by sending a text to her. If she's got a major crush on you, these indirect methods might work, but why even go there? You're smoother than that. When you guys hang out make sure she has a good time. Then before she leaves get her number.
- After you get her phone number, be patient and wait a while before contacting her. Despite what you may have heard (or read), there's no hard-and-fast rule governing how long to wait before calling her. But whatever you do, call her within a week. You don't want to seem disinterested. And if you wait too long, the girl might not even remember you. In the end, you'll just have to judge this for yourself depending on your gut feeling and what you have going on in your own life.
Reintroduce Yourself - Whether you're calling or texting, you should immediately Introduce yourself. Don't assume anything. She may have a million friends who call and text her every day and she might be momentarily confused by an anonymous call. Be upfront. Say something like this: "Hey, this is Bobby, we met at the concert on Tuesday night." It might take a nanosecond for your name to click with her, but that's okay. Once she knows who you are everything will be cool.
- Make sure you've got the right person. Once you've dialed her number, make sure you have her on the line. In the old days, a guy might have to go through a "gatekeeper" (her parents, her roommate, her boyfriend), to reach a girl. Now that just about everybody has a cell phone this isn't much of a problem. Just remember that there's always a chance that the person who answers the phone isn't the girl you want to talk to. Ask to speak to her, or simply say her name as a question to verify that you have her on the line. If you're texting her, keep in mind that you have no way of knowing who will actually see the text.
- Think about what you're going to say. The phone call or text won't be your first impression. You already made that when you got her number, so don't worry that you won't say just the right thing. That said, think about what you want to say. Think about what you talked about (more importantly, what she talked about) when you met her - you were listening, weren't you? - and think about what you want out of this call. You should have a reason for calling or texting her, such as asking her out on a date or, if not a date, at least asking her to join you for some activity or event. Think about it, but if you're calling you should not, under any circumstances, write out what you want to say and then read from your script.
Start a Conversation - Make some small talk. Ask how she's doing. If you can make some appropriate reference to the night you met her - i.e. "Did you get your term paper done?" or "Did you ever find your earring?" - that's a nice way to break the ice. If texting, you may want to skip the small talk and get right to the invitation so that she'll actually have something "important" to reply to rather than having to waste her time on potentially endless texts.
- State your purpose. Sometimes the small talk will just naturally develop into a conversation. If this happens, just roll with it. When there's a pause, spring your question. If you're the old-fashioned type (or if she is) you might want to ask her to go to dinner and a movie this weekend. Alternately, you might just ask if she'd like to come to your party tonight or ask if she wants to get a cup of coffee.
- Set up a plan. If she's interested, don't dilly-dally. Just get the basic information you need from her (when to pick her up, for example, or where to meet her), or give her the information she needs (i.e. where to meet you). Don't question whether she'll show up or press for any more information than you need, but if she has questions or wants to continue the conversation by all means indulge her. If she decides to pass on your invitation, be nice about it and ask if she'd like to meet up another time. Maybe she will, and maybe she won't. You never know until you ask.
- Bring up something interesting that she might like. Try to discover what her interests are. She'll appreciate the effort.
- If you call and get her voicemail, should you leave a message? Before cell phones and caller ID, you could always avoid the uncomfortable message leaving if you wanted to. Now, though, there's a good chance she'll see that you called, so you might as well leave a message. Remember to leave your number, however, as there's always a chance she won't be able to see yours.
- These tips are geared toward calling or texting someone for the first time. If you've already spoken with the girl on the phone, you probably don't need this advice.
- While many may think text messaging is somewhat impersonal it is not a cowardly approach. Don't get brainwashed into that type of thinking. Text can be a good way to see if the other person, guy or girl is busy or not busy and wants to hang out. A phone call can accomplish the same thing; it just takes a little more time and can be intrusive of the other person's time.
- Relax and take a couple deep breaths before calling. You've got nothing to be nervous about.
- Asking a girl to join you for an activity you'll be doing anyway (going to a party or the basketball game, for example) implies less commitment for both of you than asking her on a romantic date.
- Keep in mind that text messages are limited in their ability to communicate nuances, especially subtle humor. There are ways around this, such as writing "lol," but just remember that the girl can't hear you or see your body language.
- Wait twice as long as she does, to reply to a text. If she replies after 2 mins then wait 4 mins to reply. Don't let the texting conversation drag on all day long. It is frustrating having a 10 min conversation that drags out over 24 hours because you're not trying to seem needy. This can make a man seem disinterested or shy and like he can't vocalize what he is after.
- Do not call or text too late in the evening. This may be perceived as a "booty call" which will offend most self-respecting girls.
- Do not invite her to your house to watch tv or a movie if you've never met her. This also may be perceived as a booty call. Most women like to be courted.
Edit Warnings - Don't text or call her too often or she may think you're stalking her. If you're really interested in her but she doesn't answer the first time, text back later unless you're old. However if she doesn't respond to text (only leave one!), try to get in touch with her in a week by phone or use facebook if you know her full name.
- If the unfortunate happens and you need to leave her/him, a word of warning, never leave them by text. It seems really unfair and cruel, if you need to, try calling instead, or even better face to face! What hurts more is knowing that they were selfish enough to not say it straight to you!
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