| How to Live Free Sep 3rd 2012, 08:00 Sometimes we can't help but get stuck living in a box, doing the same thing over and over, worrying about what other people will think of us and our actions. If you want to break out of that box, and learn to live life to its fullest, read on! -
Don't worry about what other people think of you. - Seek to detach yourself as much as possible from "toxic" people in your life. These are the people who try to tie you down through manipulation, threats and other forms of control. Better still, learn how to disarm such people by learning non-violent communication techniques and standing your ground through being less reactive and more responsive and assertive; you have the power within you to remain free of such people and to live free from their harmful ways. Good friends will help you find your balance.
- Be honest. Lies create a tangled web of deceit that is far from free. Don't lie to yourself or to others. Being occasionally completely truthful allows you to learn about and test social boundaries for your own benefit; it also enables you to connect better with people you can trust because they can identify with your vulnerability. But don't overdo it, or you risk being read like an open book. And while covering up a lie stresses your mind and your body, there are ways of being true to yourself without resorting to lies. In particular, accepting the consequences of taking responsibility and being okay with yourself (and the image you're portraying) is a lot easier than lying. Embracing life's experiences and lessons and surrounding yourself with good friends will help you find your balance.
- Seek to overcome defensiveness. Lies are one form of reacting defensively; for many of us, it is natural to feel a need to defend ourselves in a situation of conflict. Lying during a conflict may seem like a good, defensive way of getting someone to leave you alone but it binds you even more tightly to that person because you've made things less clear and have evaded your real needs rather than stood up for yourself. By responding non-defensively, you regain your freedom in relationships because you learn to acknowledge the pain, hurt and other negative feelings of others without escalating the conflict and still make it clear that you retain your power to make your own decisions and choices.
- Come to terms with money (and any lack of it). Many people associate "having enough money" with freedom. In fact, it is your attitude toward money that says much more about freedom than money itself. The trouble with the idea of "having enough money" before you feel free is that you risk never feeling that you "have enough". Such thinking never stops to question "enough for what?" because the bar gets shifted every time more money comes your way, so that somehow, the "enough" is never reached. Instead of thinking this way, free yourself up by treating money as a tool in your life, not the driver of your life. Learn to save, budget and be a conscious consumer.
- Look for what you can do to remove yourself from parts of the consuming cycle that you feel burden you. For example, if you're fed up paying high prices for organic food, dig up your lawn and plant a beautiful vegetable and fruit garden instead. Tend to it regularly, knowing that the fruits of your labor are repaid through communion with nature, health through quality food and role modeling sustainable behavior to your children, neighbors and friends.
- Make your own. Another way to free yourself from the incessant push to purchase is to make things that you're good at making. You don't have to turn this into having to be a hippie or a frugal homesteader––choose the things that you love to do and make the most of these, such as sewing, cooking, building, woodwork, metalwork, etc. Start bartering your skills with others who have skills in making things you can't or don't enjoy making, so that a virtuous cycle kicks into place. From this, you will also gain friendships and connections that might just amaze you.
- Make use of online resources to connect with like-minded people, share items and services, and to encourage others to get involved in ways of living more freely. One site you might find useful is Sharehood[1], a collaborative consumption website that helps you to bring together local community and your neighbors for sharing resources and skills.
- Realize that ultimately, living free isn't so much about scrounging for freebies as it is about not letting money choices dominate your life choices. Working 6am to 11pm each day just to collect a bunch of expensive gadgets you get to play with occasionally isn't living freely––honestly assess the choices you're making about your life and the motivations behind them.
- Stop focusing on the bad. Freedom is found in focusing on what can be done, rather than on what cannot. From threats of terrorism and failing communities, to rising prices and a worsening environment, we are surrounded by bad news and the human tendency to share the negative can repeatedly infuse our whole outlook with negative thinking. This lowers our energy levels and reduces our enthusiasm, which can hamper our freedom to make the most of our lives. To overcome this, shift your attention to what you can do to make things better for yourself and for others; in doing, you'll find greater freedom to live life as you want it to be
- Watch your language. Do you use lots of negative statements such as "I can't", "it can't be done", "oh, not again", "it's impossible", "I hate…", "if only", "I'll never get this done", "as if that will ever change", etc.? Language is powerful, both in convincing yourself and in convincing others. By changing these negative phrases to ones focused on what can be done, you will free yourself from inaction and procrastination. For example, try "I will" instead of "I can't", "This will take longer than I expected" instead of "I'll never get this done" and "what am I learning from this experience?" instead of "what's wrong with me?".
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Release endorphins to free your spirit. - Laugh and smile whenever possible. Laughter and smiles are amazing things. If you're in a terrible mood, try laughing or smiling, and see how it helps to shift your perspective toward a more resourceful, happier outlook. Your smile changes your frame of mind. Make a point of laughing at something every day. Start with laughing at your own antics or fun thoughts, then expand to watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club or just doing something that will encourage you to laugh. Laughing and smiling boosts your immune system as well as making you feel better by releasing endorphins. [2] Laughing lets your brain know you're happy, and gets you in a great mood, in the right state of mind.
- Spend time in the sun. The sun can brighten up your day as well as your mood. Go to open spaces, do some trekking, enjoy nature and spend time around people. Obviously, observe sun safe procedures during the hottest months.
- Spend time with friends. Being with friends brings out your empathy; understanding and being understood can improve your sense of well-being, also helping to release endorphins. In addition, spending time with friends and being social has been shown to increase serotonin levels, also important for improving your inner well-being.[3]
- Exercise. Exercise can release endorphins quickly. Choose something you enjoy doing, as exercise should be fun in itself rather than being viewed as a means to something else.[4]
- See How to release endorphins for more fun ideas.
- Do something new as often as possible. Even if you're absolutely sure you're going to hate the new activity, give it a try. The fact is, you can't know if you'll like something until you've done it. If you do it and you don't really like it, you still had the experience and now you can say for sure you don't enjoy it. Guess what? If you hate it, you never have to do it again. At least you can proudly say you tried and you'll feel enriched. Being open to new experiences is a source of freedom because you're allowing yourself to expand your horizons, discover new hidden talents and never close down the possibilities of what is good out there.
- See new experiences as opportunities rather than as burdens or something to be worried about. Most of the battle is inside your head, before you've given the new activity a go.
- Congratulate yourself every time you try something new. And tell others what you've done, to reinforce its good. Your story may help others to live more freely too
- Pretend you've got background music in everyday life. Think of movies; they all have a soundtrack, so should you.Walking down the street, horrible rainy day, the morning has been going terribly. Try listening to silent music! Pick any song and play it in your mind. Let your thoughts drift with the silent music. Hum, whistle, even dance if you'd like. Pick something happy and let the music change your mood and change your day.
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Do something outrageous or spontaneous. - Watch your language. Do you use lots of negative statements such as "I can't", "it can't be done", "oh, not again", "it's impossible", "I hate…", "if only", "I'll never get this done", "as if that will ever change", etc.? Language is powerful, both in convincing yourself and in convincing others. By changing these negative phrases to ones focused on what can be done, you will free yourself from inaction and procrastination. For example, try "I will" instead of "I can't", "This will take longer than I expected" instead of "I'll never get this done" and "what am I learning from this experience?" instead of "what's wrong with me?".
- Do something new. Even if you're absolutely sure you're going to hate it, give it a try. The fact is, you can't know if you'll like something until you've done it. If you do it and you hate it, you still had the experience and now you can say for sure you don't enjoy it. Guess what? If you hate it, you never have to do it again. At least you can proudly say you tried and you'll feel enriched, and that applies everywhere.
- Release endorphins. (Main Article: Release Endorphins)
- Laugh and smile whenever possible. Laughter and smiles are amazing things. If you're in a terrible mood,try laughing or smiling, and see how it helps. Your smile changes your frame of mind. Make a point of laughing at something every day. Start with laughing at yourself, then expand to watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club or just doing something that will make you laugh. Laughing and smiling boosts your immune system as well as making you feel better by releasing endorphins. [5] Laughing lets your brain know you're happy, and gets you in a great mood, in the right state of mind.
- Spend time in the sun. The sun can brighten up your day as well as your mood. Go to open spaces, do some trekking, enjoy nature...and people.
- Spend time with friends. Being with friends makes you show your empathy; understanding and being understood can lead you to smile and laugh which will release endorphins. In addition, spending time with friends and being social has been shown to increase seratonin levels. [6]
- Exercise. Exercise can release endorphins quickly after you start your exercise.( exercise should be fun in itself not a means to something else ) [7]
- Do something outrageous. People have done such legendary things as dressing up in a panda suit and handing random strangers red balloons or gathering over two hundred people to walk around down town using the famous "invisible dog" toy and pretending they were real. Doing something that makes people stare is a great way to live free and get out of the box you're trapped in. Don't be afraid to be different. If they frown at you make a curtsy, smile and move on!
- Be random. Be inspired by the people who have done such legendary things as dressing up in a panda suit and handing random strangers red balloons or giving out free hugs to everyone. Random acts of kindness or entertainment with a view to doing something good for others can brighten people's day. And don't be afraid to be different. If some people frown at you, make a curtsy, smile and move on!
- Check out the fun things that Improv Everywhere have done, such as gathering over two hundred people to walk around down town using the famous "invisible dog" toy and pretending they were real. Doing something that makes people stare is a great way to live free and get out of the box you're trapped in. You can find their videos online.
- Look for flash mob videos online to find actions that have brought laughter and enjoyment to people's lives. Perhaps there is one that will inspire you!
- Do something for no reason. Challenge yourself. Go outside and start walking. Just keep walking in no particular direction and don't stop until you have to. There's something great about doing something for no reason––it lets you be a little crazy when you just let everything go. Of course, be sensible and don't get yourself into senseless trouble.
- Realize that it's okay to act on impulse without thinking it through sometimes. It's good to censor your actions in general, but sometimes it's fine to just let go and act. The best way to get what you want is to be direct and to the point, so if you feel like doing something, then just do it!. Again don't get yourself into hot water––use your common sense to remain aware of consequences!
- Look for stories about people who lead staid lives and then suddenly break loose and do something like skydive in their 80s or trek across a country after a divorce. There are plenty of inspiring biographies of people who have found intrepid, incredible things that often mark a transition or a leap forward in their lives
- Find your own soundtrack to heighten life's experiences. Pretend you've got background music in everyday life. Think of movies––they all have a soundtrack that increases the awareness of emotions and reactions to the world around the characters. You can use music to change your day and mood. For example, say you're walking down the street, it's a horrible rainy day and your morning has been going terribly. Insert your silent soundtrack by picking any song that lifts your spirits and play it in your mind. Let your thoughts drift along with the silent music. Hum, whistle and even dance if you'd like. Let the music change your mood and change your day.
- Of course, you can also use a portable music player with a set of your favorite tunes to act as your walk-everywhere soundtrack.
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Regularly do something you're truly passionate about.
- Choose to find life fun. Sure, there are hard and challenging moments in every person's life, yet life isn't made of just these experiences. Unfortunately, the way some people go on, you'd think that that hardships equate to life. It's important to challenge the negative phrases people throw out regularly, to help them to see that they are imprisoning themselves by creating such an energy-sapping outlook. Without belittling truly challenging situations people are going through, look for the brighter side of the run-of-the-mill situations people tend to complain about, like the weather, a queue, a missed deadline or the like. Most things are not life-and-death situations, so most things are not worthy of divesting intense energy on being negative about. Be kind as you fill their lives with more positive ways to see things!
- Get adequate sleep for your age, gender and personal needs. Sleep deprivation builds up and can take a person unawares, until you think that the groggy, half-aware state you're living in is normal. Sleep-deprived people tend to be a lot more negative than those who get adequate sleep and they also lack energy and resilience when faced with life's challenges. Stop overdrawing from the bank of sleep and start depositing back into it and you'll find yourself a lot freer to show the world your real personality and oomph!
- If you don't like something, be tactful in letting other people know but don't lie to cover it up. Most times, such a lie will rebound on you when you're caught disparaging it later on. People are generally stronger than you think, and even it they mutter about the audacity to make your point known, they will respect knowing where they stand with you, even if it's deep-down
- Always veer toward increasing your levels of energy. It is by being energetic that you will live more freely because you don't feel lethargic and held back. Tired people tend to make "same as always" choices because resisting requires energy and the status quo means that they can stay put. However, inertia is never freedom, it's imprisonment. Therefore, eat healthily, focusing on foods that restore maximum energy to your body. Exercise regularly to increase both energy and strength. And be spiritual, whatever your faith or secular bent––finding what moves you spiritually provides an inner energy that helps to restore you every time that something seeks to break you.
- Choose your battles wisely. Know when it's better to let go than to enter the fray (note, this will be most of the time). Stand up for what matters to you when to not do so will result in harm or non-constructive outcomes. And learn to defuse difficult conversations or arguments rather than adding fuel to them––by being a non-violent communicator, you can help people to reach compromises and understandings instead of retreating to lick their wounds, only to come back even fiercer next time
- Manage your stress. Living free means living free of stress too; stress ties you down and threatens your health and general well-being. If you cannot manage it alone, get help from support people or groups, or relevant self-help reading
- Find the perfect balance of being stubborn and willing to go with the flow. Sometimes, it's better to let the world flow as it should, while other times, being proactively involved in diverting the flow is essential. You'll learn this with experience but you must jump in and try in order to learn.
- People will always judge. It is easier than looking inward and finding what lacks inside and needs attention. What matters is to learn to tell the difference between constructive judgment (the type that contains truths about what you need to do to improve, usually imparted from an expert or experienced person) and hurtful, spiteful judgment (the type that simply criticizes from ignorance, hatred, jealousy or cowardice, and generally comes from people who have no or very little knowledge or who think they could do better but would never put their money where their mouth is.) In knowing the difference, you can learn from the one and ignore the other, and become freer for i
- Don't hush yourself. Expressing enthusiasm, joy and a sense of awe are things to be proud of. If people tell you to shut up, don't be dissuaded; instead, work on your presentation skills until you know just how to adjust your pitch of enthusiasm to every type of audience possible.
Edit Warnings - The world is full of haters. They are the people who don't want to/can't live free and certainly don't care for anyone else doing so either. As Ellen De Generes says though, turn your haters into your motivators. Whatever they say, be discerning about their attitude and, for the most part, do it anyway. Remember that if you ran home with your proverbial tail between your legs and hid, you'd be criticized for doing that too, so choose to do what makes you feel free, not trying to conform to things that don't work for you. What's best is to not let haters take away your power by giving in to their disapproval.
- Living free doesn't mean living outside the law. Law exists to regulate society for the better; while it doesn't always work that way, there are plenty of legitimate and enduring ways to change laws that don't work. Making yourself into a pariah through breaking the law won't enhance your freedom any. And running from facing justice is the least free way a person could ever live!
- Acceptance is everything, acceptance of yourself and who you are and acceptance of others and who they are. Not everyone wants to live free in the ways outlined here––in fact, some are extremely threatened by the thought of losing routine, acting spontaneously or doing new things. While you can help open the minds of others to the possibilities of this world and their talents by being a role model and a motivator, you can't force anyone to do or be anything. Avoid forcing your preferences onto anyone––to do so is to enhance your sense of freedom at the expense of any freedom they feel they have. Be aware that your idea of reality is just that––yours––and that for them, freedom may come in the guise of something very different from your perception of it. Make space for them in your life without hounding them.
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