| How to Deal With Loneliness Jan 25th 2013, 08:00 People feel lonely for a number of reasons, including simple social awkwardness or intentional isolation. Everyone experiences loneliness. Luckily, though, there are a number of ways to overcome it. Part One: Understanding Your Loneliness - Realize that we all get lonely. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. People particularly prone to loneliness during major life transitions, especially ones made for the better. If you're changing in ways such as exploring new alternatives and paths for yourself, you're bound to get a little lonely as you look for people who share your new interests and thoughts.
- Differentiate between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is when you are unhappy to be alone. Solitude is when you are happy to be alone. You're not in solitude when you want to be with people. There are people out there who you can relate to and become close with.
- Join an online community. Sometimes it can help. Share your thoughts and experiences, or ask questions to those who are going through similar situations. Online forums often allow you to help others while being helped yourself. Also check out the free Phone Buddies peer counseling community.
- Remember to be safe when online. Not everyone is who they say they are and predators feed off loneliness.
Part Two: Overcoming Loneliness - Call or get together with the people you know. Even if they aren't who you want to be with right now, human contact makes establishing more contact easier. This includes your mother and the guy at the deli counter.
- Do more listening than talking. Listening and drawing people out will deepen your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself.
- Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the moment.
- Get involved in activities. Join a sports league or take a class. Volunteer within your community. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online. Look on places like Craigslist or local news websites for activities in your area.
- Don't attend functions with the sole idea of making friends or meeting people. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens. Look for activities that interest you and that also involve groups of people like book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts and art exhibitions
- Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships. Don't wait for people to approach you — you approach people. Ask the person if they want to chat or get a coffee. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you, if they ever do.
- Remember that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person's life, and be considerate. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant friends. It can be a long, painstaking process and most people you meet already have their own friends and lives.
- Spend time with your family. Even if you don't have a great history with a family member, chances are they will take you up on an invitation. You can share friends and meet new people together. This will help diminish that awkward feeling of being alone in public.
- Don't allow yourself to wallow. Instead of persistently dwelling on how alone you feel, do anything to get your mind off it. Take a walk, ride your bike or read a book. Explore activities and hobbies, and don't be afraid to try new things. Having experience gives you a basis upon which you can comment in more social situations (thus talk to more people) and strike up conversations that will interest other people.
- Keep yourself busy. Having down time is what causes feelings of loneliness to creep in. Throw yourself into work or extracurricular activities.
- Do social activities by yourself. Many times it isn't the partner or friend you are missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Don't hold yourself back. It is not strange to be by yourself and out doing things!
- Consider getting a pet. If you're truly struggling without companionship, consider adopting a dog or cat from your local animal shelter. Pets have been domestic companions for centuries for a reason, and winning the trust and affection of an animal can be a deeply rewarding experience.
- Be a responsible pet owner. Make sure your pet is spayed or neutered, and only commit to bringing a pet into your life if you're prepared to handle the daily tasks of caring for it.
- Be a pleasant presence. Draw people toward yourself by providing enjoyable company. Be complimentary rather than critical. For a casual comment, don't nitpick other people's clothes, habits or hair. They don't need to be reminded they have a small stain on their shirt when they can't do anything about it. They do need to hear that you think their sweater is cool or you read their article. Don't make a big deal of it, but just casually mention it when you like something. This is one of the best ice-breakers around and it builds trust steadily over time as people come to understand that you won't criticize them.
- Learn to be happy with yourself. When you like/love who you are, it shows. People like to be around those who are upbeat and confident.
- Realize that one can be "lonely in a crowd." You may have friends, family and acquaintances, but still feel lonely. For some people, it is difficult to connect with those around them. In this case, outside counseling may help.
- Create a positive mood and atmosphere. Realize that loneliness can be a right time to try out something new, relax or nurture your creativity. After all, some of the most famous personalities spent a lot of time alone.
- Don't take casual acquaintances to be deep true friends you can trust with everything. Build that trust gradually and accept them as they are. There's nothing wrong with having lots of acquaintances, a fair number of friends you'd be comfortable meeting in person to share activities and a much smaller intimate group of friends you'd trust with personal information. Think of your contacts as a series of concentric circles.
- Remember that the reason you are self-conscious is because everyone is self-conscious. People are not focusing on your faults — rather, they are more likely focusing on their own.
- Try not to get stuck into a rut with routines; routines allow you to go on auto-pilot, allowing you to day-dream about "what could be." Even worse, you're less likely to act on those day-dreams because you'll be comfortable with your routines. Shake things up!
- Learn to enjoy solitary activities. If you are already having a good time, that attracts people who want to join in and get happy too. It never fails - when you want solitude, people will start coming up to talk to you!
- Remember that reaching out to someone else lonelier than you could give you more happiness than you could imagine.
- When talking about yourself, avoid getting too personal. This might put people off and invite mistreatment. Telling stories about your pet is not too personal. That opens up communication with anyone who likes animals and especially those who like your cat (or dog).
- Learn to meditate so that you have the experience of being loved and nurtured emotionally by other sources than human beings.
- Read literature and go to museums/theater/dance. Art reaches inside.
- For those with religious beliefs, consider fellowship with those of your faith. Most churches should have some sort of regular fellowship. If your church doesn't, then consider starting one.
Edit Warnings - If you're feeling lonely, consider taking a break from social media websites like Facebook and Twitter. Not only can people sometimes be cruel on these sites, seeing others "update their status" with fun activities can make you feel even worse. Instead, try doing something outside. Maybe take a long walk, play with your dog, or hang out with a sibling.
- If you have a persistent feeling of loneliness, seek medical help. It might be a sign of depression.
- Becoming overly dependent on online communities as a social outlet may lead to addiction and more complications. Use it as a tool to meet people in your local area who share your interests and make the effort to get together with your online friends. It can be a good filter to sort out mutual interests, but don't expect people to be the same offline as they are online.
- Loneliness is a state where cults, gangs and other groups take advantage of the vulnerable and will negatively influence you. Be careful and listen to what others have to say about any group you are thinking of joining.
- You may find bad people in bad groups. Try to find good people in good groups.
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