| How to Flirt Without Being Annoying Jan 4th 2013, 14:00 Flirting is the easiest way to convey your intentions and attraction toward your date or someone you fancy. However, overdoing the flirting can become annoying, especially for those who find flirting a little too intrusive or needy. Don't risk losing the person you're keen on by flirting inappropriately, too much or by ignoring their distress. Conversing by Chat or Text - Choose words that aren't suggestive or flirtatious. Aim to be polite and respectful of the other person, showing that you're keen to get to know him or her better. Here are some ways to create a polite conversation without looking as if you're going too far:
- "Hey there! How are you doing?"
- "Today weather was [insert how as the weather like], right?"
- ""I heard about your success at [work/study/sport, etc.] this week. Congratulations and well done!"
- Be less open. Don't talk all about yourself. Talking topics should be something you both have an interest in. Discuss things which will encourage your partner to start talking, too.
- Ask your partner general questions. This means don't ask anything too personal or probing. At the very beginning, it might be somewhat annoying to your partner to field many questions at a deeply personal level. They might close down the chat or hang up the phone. Take it slowly and easy. No need to rush.
- If it's hard to find anything to talk about, encourage your partner start talking through subtle questioning. Examples of suitable things to ask include:
- "How was your day?"
- "So, what are your favorite hobbies?"
- When you feel that your partner is happy answering your questions, ask more questions. As your partner provides more information freely, this opens up the opportunity to start getting a little more personal––take your cue from how intimately your date discusses things.
- Avoid over-complimenting. Complimenting is an important part of acknowledging the good about another person but it can be overdone. Over-complimenting might lead your crush to think whether you're lying or simply saying things to make them like you. It can also cause to them to distrust your sincerity, which will dampen any chances they'll fancy you. Keep the compliments genuine, irregular and don't lie. Just say what good things you think about them without having to make up anything. Here are some good compliments by way of example:
- "You looked amazing in that outfit yesterday!"
- "You don't need to wear makeup, by the way. You look naturally beautiful!"
- Avoid flirting by jokes. When chatting on internet, or texting via phone, it will be hard for your partner to understand whether you're being serious or not. If you've already let slip a flirty joke, quickly add "Just kidding :)!"
- Avoid joking about your partner's family. Some people can take such jokes very seriously and not see anything funny at all in your comments.
Flirting Face to Face This section deals with face-to-face encounters only. While much of the section above remains applicable with respect to conversing, there are some additional elements to be aware of when in personal contact. - Focus on the other person. Listen carefully, avoid giving free rein to your feelings and genuinely want to get to know this person better. When your focus is on learning more, you are less likely to give in to flirting out of lust.
- Make eye contact. Making eye contact demonstrates interest, the courage to show your feelings and reciprocity. Make sure you're doing it correctly. Here are some good ways to make eye contact:
- Avoid staring at the other person's body. It can be considered as "sexing", which isn't really comfortable for some people.
- Decide when to move to the next step in making eye contact. When you're sure that your crush likes you, try a wink. If you aren't sure that your crush is ready for that, then leave it for later.
- If you were talking with others, both of you saw each other, smile, and make casual eye contact.
- Avoid staring into the eyes without a break. That's plain creepy! Try to talk normally, as with any other person at your level.
- Talk with your partner. Use any chance to talk with the other person. Compliment them about their reactions, outfits, etc. (see above for avoiding over-complimenting). Here are some good suggestions:
- Don't say "You look good in this dress!"; instead, say "Nice dress!". And, "I love your [item of clothing]. It really suits you!" is another nice line.
- "Sorry to be so forward, but your eyes are so beautiful."
- "Nice move"___. This compliment applies when you're playing games, like video or board games.
- "I appreciate how [punctual/thoughtful/kind/generous, etc.] you are. You have made my day."
- Start an easy conversation. It doesn't need to be long at first and it definitely shouldn't be complicated or make your partner feel uncomfortable. Here are some tips:
- Don't make "you" the main topic of conversation. Your partner will think that you're arrogant and just a bit boring.
- Ask questions. As outlined above, don't be too personal until you know more and both of you are comfortable with one another. Good questions include: "What's your favorite hobby/color/sport/etc.?". When your partner answers you, try to say "Nice, I like that too!", but don't lie. Only respond that way if you actually agree; it shows you up as insincere if it turns out otherwise later.
- Avoid talking about personal or touchy things, especially money, faith and politics. Money is a general turn-off (especially boasting or acting desperate), while beliefs can be navigated a little later on, when you're both feeling a little more certain about one another.
- Keep yourself simple. At this stage, there is no need to tell your crush all of the amazing things you have done in your life. Keep your conversations with your partner simple and short, revealing just a few interests and some key topics that are genuinely interesting.
- Don't make your partner think you're after him or her and that you're desperate. Make it clear through what you say that you're a busy, interesting person who doesn't make flirting his or her main goal in life!
- Keep yourself new. Do new things to flirt better, like surprising your crush by turning up with tickets to her or his favorite movie or show.
- Initially, avoid talking to your partner daily. It keeps things fresh and interesting. Every few days at the outset of a relationship will keep the excitement intact.
- Remember that flirting is used for fun. It's not about personal validation or manipulation of the other person. Don't start fuming, sulking or shouting if your crush won't agree to go for a date. Be positive, and find someone else you're attracted to who responds in kind.
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